Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Sunday WILL come

I will never forget this talk from conference Oct 2006. I remember the feeling vividly. It was one of those, "this talk is for me" feelings and I needed to cleave to this talk the way that I cleave to the talk "Cast not therefore away thy confidence."

I love when you have those teaching moments from the spirit. How I am thankful to know that this is true. I have seen so many Sundays in my life and have felt that relief from being broken and being renewed with hope and knowing that those darn Fridays won't last forever, that Sunday does come and so does the comfort, relief of pain, and understanding.

Some of the promises that I like that he makes in the talk are..

  • No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.
  • In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.
  • Because of our beloved Redeemer, we can lift up our voices, even in the midst of our darkest Fridays, and proclaim, “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?
  • That we may always know that no matter how dark our Friday, Sunday will come
We all have these "Fridays" in our lives. But we also have these promises that if we endure them, we will have a heightened joy because of our Redeemer. There are many more Fridays that will come to each of our lives. I am just thankful for that Sunday that comes every once in a while to remind you of the blessings that you have and focus on the end result, peace and happiness in the love and sacrifice of the Savior of the World. The Fridays seem worth it then.

For any of you who are going through your Friday right now. Know that I love you. I know you can do it! It is worth every second of heartache, darkness or sorrow for the light that will shine when all is said and done!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

In My Lifetime...

I decided today that I needed to start recording the things that future generations will read about so that they know that I was alive at that time.

Although these current events this week aren't necessarily earth shaking and everyone has mixed feelings about how they feel because of the character of one, All celebrities that died this week have been legends in their own right.

Ed McMahon gave millions away for Publishers Clearinghouse. I remember seeing him on TV all the time with his jovial smile and wishing he would come and give me that money! I also remember him as a host on Star Search, co-host in telethons as well as TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes. He passed at age 86.

Farrah Faucett was a female icon since being one of Charlie's Angels on a hit TV series and sadly she lost her 3 year battle today with cancer at age 62. I remember all the rage in 4th grade was to have the Farrah Faucett feather hair do. I have pictures to prove it!

Michael Jackson, The King of Pop music, so they call him, also passed away today of Cardiac Arrest. I grew up listening to his music and watching his dancing. STill my favorite of his music above all is from the Jackson 5. ABC and Ben were in my favorites of that era. The ones I remember most is of course Thriller, Black and White, Bad and also the song we had to sing in elementary which I don't know what it is called but has the chorus "make this a better place. For you and for me and the entire human race.."
Michael was only 50 when he passed away today.

I am glad that I am going to start chronicling the things that take place while I am alive. I know that I have loved to hear my family talk about events that took place when they were younger and I want to have that for my generations as well.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's come in all forms


Today is Father's Day and for a girl whose Daddy hasn't been so much a part of my life I am still so blessed with some great Father's in my life.

My Heavenly Father. I go to him more than any of my other Father's. He always knows the right answers and the right ways to love and care for me. He knows the right storms to send my way and always finishes them up with great rays of sunshine. He knows how to love me where I am at and also is the best at putting me in my place. He will never leave me, I have him for eternity!

My Birth Father. After we reconciled when I was 18 he has tried to be more apart of my life. I have talked to him more, spent more holidays with him and even had a visit a couple years ago in Utah with him for a whole week. Although this relationship still isn't where I want it to be, I am thankful that my Dad helped create me because I love my life.

My Mother-Father. Have you ever heard of that? Well if you met my Mom you should know what that is. My Mom wore all the hats growing up. She not only nurtured us the way Mom's do but she also fixed flat tires of all kinds, played sports, made pinewood derby cars, cooked on Mother's Day, Did all the scouting things, mowed the lawn, worked FT, paid the bills you name it!

My Grandfather. He took me to Daddy-daughter dates, helped us financially where he could, took me shopping for Mother's Day gifts for my Mom, disciplined us when it was beyond Mom's control (OUCH), sang to me, told silly corny jokes, spent all my birthdays with me, protected me, supported me, picked me up from my mission and always encouraged me to be my best self.

My Self-Adopted-Father's.These men have been there to lend a hand or a much needed hug. A kiss on the forehead. Given me blessings in time of trial or illness. Been my biggest cheerleader. Make me believe that not all Dad's are absent Dad's. Teach me when I needed to be taught. Counsel me when I needed correction. Rejoice with me in good times. Pray for me in bad times. Help me see that heaven really closer than we ever knew. Shared their own families with me and let me be a part of them.

Father's really come in all forms and I am so thankful that I have been given many to watch over me throughout my life cause every girl wants to be a Daddy's Girl!

Friday, June 12, 2009


Have you ever felt displaced in life? Have you ever wondered what is supposed to happen next? Too much changing too fast? Just when you feel settled in somewhere-- you get all shook up again?!

That has been my realization of my life for about a month now. I thought I was safe for awhile since I have finally lived somewhere for 2 1/2 years but with the help of non-communicating neighbors, I am going to once again find myself homeless.

I am really trying not to complain because I have been blessed so GREATLY the last 2 1/2 yrs by the ability to live in the gorgeous house my brother bought (in hopes that he and his family could move in). We (rommmates and I) moved in here just as we had been kicked out of living in my Grandma's condo due to a loss of my cousin's husbands job. Luckily for me at the time my brother would buy his in-laws house and I would live here until the sale of their recently built house. Due to a crash in the selling markets just months after he purchased this home my 6 other roommates and I got to stay in what was supposed to origionally be "temporary housing". My heart has stuck here as I have taken care of this beautiful home. In January however something upset my neighbors (still not sure what) and they tattled on us to someone who called and told my brother we had too many living in our house (although room wse we have plenty of rooms for the number living here) and that he needed to become compliant to housing code.

Basically it has been a downward spiral since then and I am now living in a huge home all by myself and my Brother and his family will now be moving in the next couple of months (this decision was made this week). Which means, I will once again be homeless.

Being 31 and homeless is pathetic, I know! Just the thought of it makes my anxiety levels quadruple! Here I go being displaced once again. There are so many unknowns for me at this moment. And for a person who doesn't handle change well, my emotions are in a frenzy!

I was barely starting to build a new business of wedding catering and now what am I going to do? I won't have a kitchen with the ability to cook like I have. I am now back to square one!

Am I going to be able to triple my nannying business so I can survive and just eliminate weddings all together for this time? I won't have the storage space nor the kitchen space to continue with this type of business anymore.

I guess I just naively thought that this was going to work itself out and I would be able to continue my life as I've known it so it kind of caught me off guard when it worked so different than I thought it would. It came at a really trying and changing time in my life already and I really just don't know what to do with all this right now.

I really am just sorting this all out in my head as I type so I am sorry if this seems so random to anyone that is not in my head right now.

I would give anything right now for a consistent life with my own family and kids and not having to feel so transient all the time. I know that life also has many struggles and hard times but you go through them with someone else there with you, you aren't fighting it alone. Having said that, before you all think I am faithless, I do believe in the Lord's timing. I do believe all of this will come in his time. It doesn't make it any easier believing that. Only helps as a reminder. Although sometimes that reminder does give the glimmer of hope to many lonely nights-- don't get me wrong.

Regardless of how I should feel or not feel the bottom line is I feel displaced. I feel confused. I feel like everything that WAS just a month ago, is no longer. I feel challenged. I feel frustrated. I feel like a has been. I feel weak and I feel scared.
I know that none of these feelings are coming from the right source. I know that I need to get the peace that I can get from a higher, brighter source. Believe me, I know all these things! But first you have to face the hardship before you get around it or through it.

This next few months are going to be months of great change and challenge for me. There is so much going on in my life and I was ready for the other stuff until this new challenge hit now I am just full of so much confusion and can't wait till the peace comes.

I know everyone has felt this way throughout their life at one time or another or maybe you are going through this now. I know that great trials bring great character building. I have learned that many times throughout my life. I just need the courage that I have seen in so many of YOU to make it through yet another displaced moment.